Principles of Discipline # 5

We are ready for principle number five in our series Principles of Good Discipline.

Work with children instead of against them.

When we refinish furniture we are told to rub with the grain. Perhaps we should also work ‘with the grain’ of the child, standing back and observing children and then figuring out with their help mutually acceptable ways for them to do what it is they are trying to do.

· Five year old Sam wants to help cook. He refuses to play with something else.

Try giving Sam the responsibility of cutting vegetables or stirring the cake or buttering the pan. He will not only be well occupied, but will be developing his strong IALAC by helping you with real work.

· Fourteen month old Carley is dumping out containers of anything she can get her hands on.

Find a few different kinds of containers to make the game interesting. Sit with Carley and sort objects into the different containers and be sure to dump them and enjoy her fun of dumping them out, over and over again.

· 10 month old Susie screams everyday when mom leaves.

Play peek-a-boo and Bug in a Rug every chance you get. Play a very simple hide and seek so that Susie can always find you. This crisis for Susie is called ‘separation anxiety’. It is typical in the development of most children. Playing little hiding games helps Susie grow through this stage and slowly she will understand that when you leave, you will come back.

· Three year old Tony can’t sit still for group activities.

Three year olds are all about active play. Provide very short small group activities such as doing one fingerplay. If Tony loves doing one, he will grow to loving to do more than one and in this way will become more able to stay focused on a group activity for longer periods of time.

I would like to remind all families in Rusk County that they have a once in a lifetime opportunity to touch the lives of future generations. Rusk County residents are asked to submit their personal stories for a time capsule of our community in celebration of 125 years. The capsule will be opened when we are no longer here to speak for ourselves in 2085. Your words and stories will be the treasures in this time capsule. For more information, you may call or email me or visit the Visitor’s Center for a page of details. You have wonderful stories to tell, but what you don’t have is time! The time capsule submissions are due June 18^th!

Toad House Publishing

Twinkletime Rhymes to Print

Principles of Discipline #4

We have covered the first three principles of good discipline: telling children what we want them to do rather than what we do not want them to do, protecting and preserving children's feelings that they are lovable and capable, and offering reasonable choice. Today we will discuss principle number four.

Change the environment instead of the child’s behavior.

Occasionally, adult/child conflicts arise because some part of the environment is inappropriate for young children, or because adults expect more control or mature behavior than children can achieve.

• Three year old Tina spills her milk in the paper cup which is tall and very full.
• 15 month old Tommy reaches to play with Ann’s braids during supper.
• Four year old Sara moves around a lot on the adult size chair during supper.
• Nine month old Joey is having trouble eating his tomato soup with a spoon.

Tina’s cup can have a sturdy bottom and sized to fit her hand. Fill her cup about half full until she has mastered this skill. Give her a plastic (BPA-free) cup instead of glass until you are confident of her ability. Save the sippy cup or other spill-free cup for travel just as we use our water bottles for trips in the car.

Mom or dad can sit between Tommy and Ann until Tommy is a little older.

Sara can continue to use a booster seat until she can comfortably sit at adult size tables. Use Sara’s little play table for snack time.

Joey can enjoy his tomato soup from a small mug that mom helps hold or another spill-free type of cup. Be sure the soup is cooled to a barely warm temperature before giving it to Joey.

Have you ever thought about your ancestors, how they lived their daily lives and what was important to them? Do you ever wonder what they imagined life would be like in our time? Many of us grew up with grandparents and could hear their words. A very few of us grew up with great-grandparents and if we did it is unlikely we were old enough to comprehend their stories.

You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to touch the lives of future generations in your family and in your community. Rusk County residents are asked to submit their personal stories for a time capsule of our community in celebration of 125 years. The capsule will be opened when we are no longer here to speak for ourselves in 2085. Your words and stories will be the treasures in this time capsule. For more information, you may call or email me or visit the Visitor’s Center for a page of details. You have wonderful stories to tell, but what you don’t have is time! The time capsule submissions are due June 18th!

Toad House Publishing

Twinkletime Rhymes to Print

Principles of Discipline #3

We discussed two principles of good discipline in the last two columns. The first principle is to tell children what we want them to do rather than what we do not want them to do. The second principle is to protect and preserve children's feelings that they are lovable and capable. Today we will talk about offering choices.

Offer children choices only when you are willing to abide by their decisions.
It is important to offer our children choices. Children feel empowered and important when they are allowed to make choices. They also learn to think through what they are saying when we abide by their choice.

Sometimes, probably because we want children to like us and because we want to be polite, we offer them too many, or inappropriate choices. Children take us seriously when we offer them a choice. Often difficulty occurs because adults offered choices they didn't really mean.
In each of the following situations two possible responses are given. The first response offers a choice the adult really did not intend. The second option offers a clear statement of what the adult intends, making it easier for the child to comply.

1. Situation: Two children are engaged in an elaborate game of camping out under the dining room table. Should you say, "Would you like to come to lunch now?" or "You campers will know it is lunch time when the oven buzzer rings in 5 minutes." (set the timer)

2. Situation: It's shopping day and your groceries are in short supply. Should you say, "What would you like for breakfast today?" or "Would you like toast and cheese or cereal for breakfast?"

3. Situation: You look at the clock and realize your child needs to get to bed. Should you say, "Do you want to get into your pajamas now?" or "It's 8:00. Time for bed. Would you like the green or the blue pajamas?"

4. Situation: You want to have your child help you pick up toys. Should you say, "Would you like to help me pick up toys? or "You can pick up the legos or the books."

As a preschool teacher, I found this principle of good discipline to be the one parents and other care givers most often had trouble with. It is hard to tune into what we are saying and change the wording of the directions and choices we give to young children. It is a subtle but important change. See if you can tune into how you word the choices you give your child this week.

For those of you who love birds, please pick up information about "Birds in Our Community" at the Visitors Center or find information about this great summer project and sunflower growing contest for the birds at the website: http://sites.google.com/site/andreaschneeberg/

Toad House Publishing

Twinkletime Rhymes to Print

Principles of Discipline, #2

Parents usually tell children what they should not do. ("Don’t climb on the table. Don’t spill your milk.") Last week we focused on changing this: learning how to tell children what we want them to do. ("Sit on your chair at the table. Pour your milk carefully.") This week, as we continue to talk about good discipline, we explore self esteem.

Protect and preserve children’s feelings that they are lovable and capable. We refer to a person’s feelings of being lovable and capable as an IALAC (I Am Lovable And Capable). An IALAC is your self-esteem. No one can see it, but it is an important part of the person you are. People need big, strong IALACs if they are to love and to be loved, and if they are to feel good about their capacity to learn and to function well in the world. IALACs grow or shrink as a result of personal experiences, particularly in relationships with other people.

Adults can hinder or foster the growth of children’s IALACs. Which one is the better response to a child’s behavior?

Can’t you do anything right?—-or—-That’s a hard job. Let’s do it together.

You’re too little to do that, let me.—or—Let’s see if we can do it together.

What’s the matter with you, acting like a baby?—or—I need your help in pushing the cart.

The following is a great idea to help ourselves watch the language we use when talking with young children: Make a large paper heart and put your child’s name on it. This represents your child’s IALAC. Each time you think your child hears something that hurts his IALAC, tear off a scrap of the paper, a big scrap for a big hurt and a little scrap for a little hurt. How big of an IALAC does your child have at the end of the day? The next day, see what it takes to build up your child’s IALAC. Building up a child’s self-esteem takes more work than tearing it down.

Toad House Publishing

Twinkletime Rhymes to Print